What Parents Can Do When Their Child Is Being Bullied—or Is the Bully
Bullying is one of the most difficult challenges children and teens can face at school, online, or in their communities. Whether your child is experiencing bullying or engaging in it, parents play a vital role in guiding them toward safety, empathy, and healthy relationships. Understanding the signs and knowing how to respond can make a lasting difference.
Recognizing the Signs
If Your Child Is Being Bullied
Children who are bullied may not always speak up. Watch for:
- Sudden reluctance to go to school, ride the bus, or attend school events they used to be excited about
- Unexplained injuries, damaged belongings, or missing items
- Frequent headaches, stomachaches, or trouble sleeping
- Changes in mood—sadness, anxiety, irritability, or withdrawal from friends
- Declining grades
- Changes in eating habits
- Self destructive behaviors, such as running away, self-harm, and suicidal ideation
- Not wanting to talk about their day
If Your Child Might Be Bullying Others
It can be painful to consider that your child might be causing harm, but early action matters. Possible signs include:
- Overly concerns with being popular or comments making fun of “weird” kids
- Getting into physical or verbal fights
- Becoming increasingly aggressive or defiant
- Lack of empathy for others, especially their peers, and tendency to put others down
- Impulsivity and lack of accountability for their actions
- Attempts to manipulate or control others, such as lying, threatening, or intimidating people
- Trouble managing emotions, especially due to sudden stressors such as divorce, moving, or a death in the family
Steps to Take if Your Child Is Being Bullied
Listen Calmly and Offer Support
- Reassure your child it’s not their fault
- Thank them for sharing and let them know you will help
- Make sure your child knows which adults it is safe to talk to at school—school counselors and teachers
Contact the School
- Reach out to the teacher, school counselor, or principal with details
- If your child is worried about causing a fuss, you can always inform the teacher of your concerns and ask that they just keep an eye on the situation. If things worsen, it may be time for additional intervention.
- Request a meeting to create a safety and response plan.
Gather Information
- Ask when, where, and how the bullying happens
- Save screenshots or other evidence if it occurs online
Build Coping Skills
- Practice assertive but calm responses
- Encourage positive friendships and activities that build confidence
- Teach self-regulation strategies for when they’re upset at school
- View types of coping skills (link to graphics or website)
Seek Professional Support if Needed
- Therapy can help children process feelings, rebuild self-esteem, and learn healthy ways to cope with stress
Your child may not want to contact the school for fear of retaliation or feel like the bullying isn’t “bad enough” to warrant intervention. Let your child know that you’ll do your best to respect their wishes, but their safety is your top priority.
Steps to Take if Your Child Is Bullying Others
Stay Calm and Listen
- Avoid immediate punishment. First, understand the reasons—peer pressure, frustration, or trouble managing emotions.
- Sometimes, children may not even realize they’re being a bully. Help your child understand the effects of their behaviors.
Set Clear Expectations and Consequences
- Explain why bullying is harmful and unacceptable.
- Target specific behaviors and explain why their actions or patterns are harmful. Conflict is normal, but they have to learn how to handle it properly.
- Work with your child to make amends, such as offering a sincere apology or helping with a positive community activity.
Collaborate with the School
- Partner with teachers or counselors to monitor behavior and support change.
Support Skill-Building
- Therapy or social skills groups can help children learn empathy, problem-solving, and healthier ways to handle anger
- Emotional dysregulation is a large reason why many children bully others. They may view the actions of others as being targeted aggression towards them and get overly defensive in response. It is important to help your child understand social situations better and differentiate between when someone is actually being rude or unfair versus when your child is just upset with a situation
Parents– We are Here to Support You
At Aucoin & Associates, we provide compassionate support for both children who experience bullying and those who engage in it. Our licensed therapists offer individual counseling, family sessions, and social skills training to help children build confidence, empathy, and conflict-resolution skills. Our therapists can provide parenting counseling as well to help parents understand their kids better and practice skills to support them. We also work closely with parents and schools to create practical plans for change.
Whether your child is hurting or causing harm, early action can break the cycle. With understanding, guidance, and the right tools, families can help children develop kindness, self-respect, and strong, healthy relationships.